I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
