Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They have beer where we have blood.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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