he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
