If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
