Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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