I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
