I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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