It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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