If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
