just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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