neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
