dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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