I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Mom said you looked used
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night