hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel