i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.