I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
