GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
