I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
