Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
