i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
