george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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