the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
