She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
