Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
