why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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