so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
