yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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