i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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