Sponge bath it is.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.