Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth