Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.