Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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