he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.