hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
