How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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