I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
