Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
