im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
