absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he was CRYING into my vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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