Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
