i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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