I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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