I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
