Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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