dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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