in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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