Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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