Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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