So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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