so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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