two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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