dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
home. puking in laundry basket.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
