I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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