I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will be naked everywhere
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
