so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
