i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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