I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
