do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
