the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
