This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
