Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
