I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
