Nicole vs. Life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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