4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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