Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel