I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
