I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
