i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
vagina is talking i cant
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
