I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize