youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
